


Too Far Away

by PaopuPop



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Loss, M/M, Romance, Somewhat resembling canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaopuPop/pseuds/PaopuPop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without a proper goodbye, Sora is left to mourn the loss of his best friend. "But now that you're-I know that I'll never be able to tell you..." One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Far Away

http://youtu.be/JImXJfilKJQ

 

Too Far Away

  


Sora watched as the world reached its end. It was like watching Destiny Islands being engulfed by darkness all over again. Trees and other wildlife were being ripped fresh from the ground and whipped to the center of the vortex.

Sora followed the path of destruction knowing what he'd find at the end. His chest felt constricted; adrenaline surged through every appendage he had. He didn't _want_ to find the end. But he had to.

Back turned to Sora was another. His black vest rippled in the dangerous wind, and silver hair was blown carelessly. "Riku!" Sora cried. Riku turned to Sora and gave him a sad smile. He must have known Sora would find him. "Riku, don't do this!"

"There's no other way." Tangible darkness pulsed around Riku's figure.

"No, you're wrong!" But Sora had no alternative solution. Riku was diverting the Darkness that was eating away Radiant Garden to himself—but the likelihood of Riku surviving this one was close to none. "There must be—"

"Sora, we're out of time." Riku's voice was calm. It was as if he had accepted what was to come next. "I need you safe."

"If it means losing you, I don't want it!" Sora ran towards Riku, but a surge of Darkness knocked him off his feet. "Riku!"

"Sora, I'm sorry. I have to do this." Riku's smile faltered as he cringed. He was taking on too much… "Perhaps you'll find me again someday."

But Sora knew that Riku was scared. Sora tried again to jump to Riku, to pull him away, to do something to stop this…

The black and purple tendrils quickly enclosed around Riku, and Sora only met his eyes one last time—"RIKU!" before everything disappeared in a heart-breaking second. He was gone…

Sora collapsed onto his knees, horror-struck. Just like that, his best friend was gone. And Sora hadn't even—he waited too long to tell Riku what he really meant to him. And now Riku would never know…

Sora's head was pounding, his throat was closing, and his shoulders were shaking. He didn't even hold back the sob that came. And then the tears began to fall. Sora was all alone in the ruined garden as he heaved his heart onto the ground.

* * *

Sora's world wasn't the same after that. He had returned back to the residence of the Restoration Committee and told them in short what had happened. After, he spent his days in one of the spare bedrooms. He lay silently in bed, staring at a photo for long hours without moving. He only got out of bed to use the restroom. He even had meals brought to him by his friends, and he only ate so that he'd be left alone.

In the photo Riku was awkwardly hunched over as Kairi pulled him down so Sora could take the photo. Riku was smiling back at him from the picture. Suddenly the memory of that day bit into him, and he fought the overwhelming despair. He had to erase his mind—blank it all. Numbing himself was the only way to get through those days.

But he was barely surviving. He'd gotten even skinnier than he normally was. He would go for days without changing his clothing. His sleep was sporadic—some days he would find himself sleeping for hours on end. But then he would have vivid dreams about Riku, and it could be entire days that he would keep himself awake just so he didn't have to dream about him. Sora's health had been slowly deteriorating.

It was just another dreary morning. Sora heard the door creak open. Still half asleep, he ignored whoever it was and left his eyes closed. It was probably just breakfast being dropped off.

However, it came to a shock to him when the sheets were suddenly thrown off his body and he was exposed to the cold. Sora moaned discontentedly.

"Sora, it's been two weeks. You need to start living again." It surprised Sora when it was Aerith grabbing his wrist to pull him out of bed. Sora tried to resist, giving Aerith a pleading look.

"I know you're still mourning over what happened to Riku, but what would he think if he saw you like this? You need to start taking care of yourself. Why don't you get showered and meet us downstairs for breakfast today? I won't take no for an answer." Aerith left the room to leave Sora to get ready.

Sora stared at the wall. He imagined Riku seeing him where he was now—laying in bed, withering away with every passing day. Riku would be upset. Riku would frown—"Sora, what have you done to yourself? Come on." He'd pull him out of bed and shove him into the bathroom. Riku wouldn't want this…

Sora dragged himself out of bed to grab new clothes. He gathered them in his arms and walked to the shower.

When he was clean and dressed, he walked down to where the rest of his friends were. His gaze met with Kairi's. Her eyes showed signs of lack of sleep—as expected, she was also mourning Riku's assumed passing. But she smiled widely at Sora. She rose from the table and gathered him into her arms. "Sora," she whispered, "I'm so glad you've finally come out."

Sora gave her a small smile. She'd probably been upset about what Sora had reduced himself to as well. Sora had worried her…

"I'm sorry," he said, choking on his words. "I've been selfish, wanting to be left alone like this…"

"It's okay," she said. But was it? "I'm glad you're down here now." Sora tried not to think about it.

* * *

Later Aerith took Sora and Kairi with her to the main gardens behind the old castle.

The Darkness that Maleficent had sent to attack the Committee had completely destroyed the garden. It was barren with the exception of branches and roots scattered on the ground. It was a depressing sight, especially knowing that this is where Riku sacrificed himself.

Sora stared hard at the spot that he last saw Riku. He willed himself not to cry.

"These flowers aren't really the best for a garden of this size, being so tiny." Aerith scooped a handful of seeds into her palm as she spoke. "But they'll sprout in about a week—and this garden will look a little better." She grabbed Sora's arm, distracting him from his thoughts. Maybe a good thing… "Do you two want to help me?"

As Aerith held the woven basket out to him, Sora grabbed a handful of seeds. What kind of flowers sprouted in a _week?_ None he'd ever seen. Then again, he'd never done gardening at home, let alone on a different planet.

Watching Aerith toss the seeds around in circles, Sora supposed there was no expert way to scatter the seeds. So he threw them with little care, spraying seeds with the swing of his arm. Kairi let the pile of seeds spill gracefully between her finger tips like grains of sand as she walked carefully in no particular direction. As Sora watched Aerith, she _did_ seem to have some kind of method. But if she didn't like how they were doing it, she never said so, so they continued as they had started.

By the third handful the flower planting became therapeutic for Sora and Kairi. Sora was genuinely grinning, enjoying himself for the first time in what felt like forever. In that moment, he'd forgotten that Riku was gone, that he was devastated, that his love would forever remain unrequited…

Until they were done, the ground was speckled in an array of greens, blues, and pinks. Aerith held her staff in front of her. She closed her eyes, and as she casted quietly a sheet of soft pink magic covered the ground. The seeds folded themselves beneath the dirt, and the light dissipated. Sora and Kairi gasped in awe, never seeing magic do something as simple as planting flower seeds.

As the spell lifted, Sora stared at the ground quietly. His thoughts spun back to Riku, unable to repress the thought forever. Would he have been marveled by the flowers? Would he have been helping them then?

Soundlessly, Sora shuffled to a particularly barren circle of dirt—not a remnant of anything living lay there. He didn't hear when Kairi stepped behind him until she sniffled. She had to have known, but she asked anyway, "Is this where Riku…?"

Sora couldn't even bring himself to say it out loud. The reality of it weighed on his heart, but to actually speak it, to address it—that Riku was—

He couldn't face that yet.

The guttural sob that Sora couldn't repress was the only answer Kairi needed. She faced Sora, gathered him into an embrace before she started weeping too. Kairi's tears were warm against him, and he was sure that his were warm too.

* * *

After that day, Sora picked himself up again. The daily routine of getting freshly showered, going for meals, and finding ways to pitch in to fix Radiant Garden's half-broken state: the monotonous pattern helped numb the wound.

However, no matter how many times Leon insisted that Sora needed to talk about what happened—Sora couldn't do it. He wasn't ready. That particular day Sora couldn't stand Leon's badgering, so he promptly left for the garden with Leon shouting at him out the door.

A month from that day had passed since the incident. The flowers that he helped plant with Aerith and Kairi were now in full bloom. Any color you could think of—blues, yellows, whites, pinks, greens—the small petals lined the stone walkways in the garden.

Sora sat on one of the stone benches that had been recently placed. Setting his chin in his palms, Sora admired the beauty of the flowers. He didn't even remember the last time he took a moment to stare at flowers.

Riku was gone.

The words came to mind. It was the first time that he could bear to think it without falling apart. Riku was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

"Riku," Sora said, his voice cracking as he spoke, "thanks… for, what you did. I mean. Saving us and everything."

Sora stared into the flowers blankly, no longer paying attention to them. He could feel his throat begin to squeeze, but somehow, speaking out loud provided him the finality he needed. "I wonder where you are…"

He gave a little kick with his foot into the dirt; a small cloud of dust rose. "But now that you're—" Sora choked. He still couldn't bring himself to say it. "I know that I'll never be able to tell you…"

 _I'll never tell you that I love you, I'll never hold you, never kiss you…_

"Don't you have more faith in me than that?"

He was across the garden, dressed in the same clothes he'd left in. With a hand to his hip and a smirk at Sora he spoke again, "I'm gone for a month and you've already had my funeral."

"Ri—" For a frantic second, Sora's brain shut down. Told him it was a lie.

But Sora's feet carried him across the flowers, and he slammed himself into Riku's arms. Startled, Riku tried to console his friend. "Sora, it's okay… I'm fine."

"Riku!" Sora gasped, hardly able to breathe as he wept. Tears rolled furiously down his face. "You have no idea! I thought you were dead, taking on so much Darkness!..."

"Well, to be fair," Riku noted, "It took me a while to get back."

"Riku, you idiot!" Sora held him tighter, afraid to lose him again. Riku gave Sora a few moments of silence to collect himself.

After about a minute, Riku spoke again. "The garden looks much improved from when I left it."

"Yeah," Sora said quietly, his breath slowing. "Kairi and I helped Aerith plant them." He could hear the _buh-bump_ of Riku's heartbeat against his chest. Sora had never held Riku like this. He never wanted to let go either.

"So, tell me."

Sora waited for Riku to finish the sentence. When he never did, Sora replied, "Tell you _what_?"

"What you thought you weren't going to be able to tell me. Now that I'm not actually dead."

Sora froze. He couldn't tell Riku _that_ , despite that he'd wanted to moments ago. Things between them wouldn't be the same—Riku would be disgusted or worse _hate_ him and that was almost worse than him being gone!—

But was it?

Sora felt Riku's arms tighten a little around him. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Why was Riku apologizing? "What's there to be sorry for? You're alive!"

"For worrying you…" Riku's head dipped down to rest on Sora's shoulder. "You don't have to tell me whatever it is if you don't want to; I'd understand…"

"Riku…"

Silence filled the garden. Sora wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, Riku could turn him away—push him away and never come back. But Riku would never do that, right? Riku was too good of a friend to do that…

But would be awkward? Would Riku avoid him, never look at him the same again, never—

"Sora, do you love me?"

Sora's stomach lurched. How did Riku know?

"Sora?"

"Yes…" He'd answered without meaning to. He felt Riku shift nervously.

 _Oh no._

Sora tried to push Riku away, suddenly aware of what he'd done. But Riku was stronger, pulled Sora in by the arms, and fought to keep him there.

"Riku, don't! I—!" But Sora's desperate cries were cut off by Riku. He kissed Sora, but he was so tense that he'd nearly missed, lips awkwardly smashed together. But when he kissed him a second time, it was perfect.

Sora had never been kissed before, and certainly not by Riku. His lips were so warm and soft; they were fuller than Sora had imagined. He could hear Riku breathing heavily through his nose, and realized he was probably doing the same. Sora's chest hurt badly, but in a good way he couldn't explain.

Sora gripped the front of Riku's shirt, nearly toppling over. Riku let go of Sora's lips and laughed, anxiousness laced in his voice.

The pressure in Sora's chest elevated—Riku's laughter was so beautiful. It'd been so long since Sora had heard it…

"So, does that mean you love me too?"

Riku's laughter died down and he stared at Sora almost bewilderedly. "What?... Yes, of course I love you! Sora, why else would I kiss you?"

"Well, I don't know…" Sora felt like an idiot for asking. But Riku ruffled his hair fondly.

"Sorry, sorry. I've loved you for a long time, you know. I just never thought you—"

"RIKU!"

Startled, the boys turned to the source of the voice. Kairi was hurdling across the gardens, nearly tripping a few times. She tackled both the boys, this time actually knocking them over.

"Riku, you're alive! We thought you were dead!"

"I know. Where's my gravestone?"

"Out in the big cemetery." Unbelievably, Riku laughed. He sure was taking the idea of being thought of as dead quite well. Kairi rolled off the boys and onto her feet; Riku and Sora proceeded to brush their pants off and stood next to her. "But now we can tell the others you're alive!"

Riku snorted. "You can just tear out the gravestone and use it for later."

"Riku, that's not funny at all!" Sora gave him a hard punch in the bicep. Riku yelped and grimaced. That might have bruised later, but Sora was too angry to care. "We actually thought you were gone!"

Kairi clearly could sense rising tension in the air. She spoke, "So, I saw that~"

Sora and Riku looked at each other bewilderedly. Sora asked, "Saw what, Kairi?"

"You two kiss! You guys are so cute!" Sora and Riku looked at each other, not really knowing how to respond. "It really isn't that surprising. I mean, I didn't know for sure, but you guys were just always a little closer than most friends…"

Riku gave a nervous smirk. "So you're not mad?"

Kairi smiled and shook her head. "Nah. Well, I'll get over it."

"Get over what?..." Sora asked, not exactly following Riku and Kairi. But they looked at them with their _haha-you're-so-naïve_ look. Sora found no point in trying anymore.

"So, shall we go back to let everyone know?" Kairi held out a hand to each—Sora took her left, Riku her right. And they walked towards the exit of the garden, closely huddled together. While part of Sora wished he was next to Riku, he knew now that there would be plenty of time to do that later.

 _End_

**Author's Note:**

> Random useless commentary. If you're interested in my thought processes, read on. Otherwise nothing important from here on out.
> 
> The flowers that Aerith planted were Impatiens walleriana. I believe these flowers grow in tropical climates (e.g. Hawaii) and are fairly easy to grow (we planted a lot of them at my first job). Now I don't think they grow in the color varieties I mentioned, but… THEY'RE MAGICAL SO WHATEVER.
> 
> I think here particularly, my writing style flows in a partial thought process. This is why a lot of lines get cut short or end in an ellipsis. Whether or not this is strange in normal prose I'm not really sure, but I'll vote no. However, I really like how it flows. It sounds more natural to me. (But it's probably still wrong, so screw you!)
> 
> The primary reasons I wrote this was 1) the imagery from the ending was something I imagined from You and Beautiful World. The meaning didn't really match up (though I kinda made it work) but with music, I feel the mood more than the words. Also, 2) I was motivated to write this, because I had a night reading fic when in all of them Riku dies at one point. I think he only survived in one. That was a depressing night. So partial motivation. I more wanted here to explore Sora's misery. Hahahaha. Sorry, Sora. (Somewhere Sora frowns.)
> 
> I think that's really all I had. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
